The Kitchen God
“He has accepted the bribe for two thousand years and filed it as tradition.”
A Cinnabar immortal of The Mortal Realm
3 known connections · an open question
The living story
The story so far
Heaven's inspector, stationed above every stove in China, who watches the household all year and reports to the Jade Emperor on the 23rd of the twelfth month. Families smear his lips with malt candy before he goes up — so his report comes out sweet, or stuck shut. He has accepted the bribe for two thousand years and filed it as tradition.
Happening now
He is watching a kitchen right now, making notes — the quarrel at dinner, the kindness after — while the malt candy sits ready on the altar below. The twelfth month is coming. The candy is always ready.
What may come
One 23rd of the twelfth month, a household will offer no candy — just the truth, plain, and a bow — and Zao Jun will carry the un-sweetened report to heaven, and the Jade Emperor will read it, and nod. The bribe will have become the honesty. It only took two thousand years.
Connected
The Mortal Realm
They started human. Mostly. The Monkey King, the sea goddess Mazu, Guan Yu and his long beard, the Kitchen God filing his annual report — and the First Emperor’s clay guardian, who has stood his two-thousand-year watch without blinking.
Explore all of The Mortal Realm · Back to The Middle Kingdom
$15 · One of 150
Keep this immortal — $15Secure checkout via Stripe. After payment you return here to claim and download your immortal.
At a glance — details & stats
- Element
- Cinnabar
- Court
- The Mortal Realm — legends who walked the earth
- Rarity
- Rare
- Personality
- The Kitchen God, Zao Jun: heaven's inspector, stationed above every stove in China, who watches the household all year and reports to the Jade Emperor on the 23rd of the twelfth month. Families smear his lips with malt candy before he goes up — so his report comes out sweet, or stuck shut.
- Edition
- One of 150
- Stats
- power 62 · speed 55 · charm 86